Get Out of the Way!

“Norm!” Rachel called as she knocked on the bathroom door again. “Hurry up!”

“Occupied,” Norm replied calmly through the door.

“Yes, that’s the problem!” She pinched the bridge of her nose and counted to ten. “I know it’s occupied, Norm. But we only have one toilet and I really have to fucking pee!”

“Almost done,” he responded.

She sighed, pulled her robe more tightly closed, and stomped off to the kitchen. Fucking Norm was her roommate Laurel’s deadbeat boyfriend, and the bane of her existence. He didn’t pay rent, he didn’t cook, he didn’t have a job. He just hung out in their apartment all day, every day, eating all the snacks.

Fuck, she really had to pee. She’d gone out drinking last night, and woken up with her bladder ready to burst. She danced from foot to foot, waiting to hear the bathroom door open.

Laurel was out all the time, but based on the sounds Rachel heard her make through the walls, Norm had exactly one redeeming quality. Rachel actually had a bit of first-hand experience with Norm’s talent. She’d caught him jerking off with her underwear in her room one day, and in a wild turn of events, ended up sitting on his face until he made her cum.

Thinking about gushing in Norm’s mouth was uncomfortably close to thinking about peeing. She shook her head to clear it and started walking in small, tight circles. How long was he going to take?

Laurel had actually caught them in the act, and it was hard to say who she was more upset with. After hearing what he’d done, she agreed Norm had crossed a line, but vetoed Rachel’s plan to smother him with her pussy every night for a year as a form of payment. Since then, her underwear stopped mysteriously vanishing, and she and Norm had entered an uneasy truce.

Fuck, she couldn’t hold it much longer. She walked, stiff-legged, down the hall and pounded on the bathroom door again.

“Occupied.”

“Norm! I told you, I really have to pee! Hurry up!”

“Almost… done.”

Something about the way he said it made her pause. With a sinking feeling, she asked, “Norm, what are you doing in there?”

“Edging,” he answered with infuriating calmness.

“Are you kidding me? You’re jerking off in there?”

“No, I’m… edging.”

“What’s the fucking difference?”

“I’m trying not to cum… to prolong and… enhance my climax.”

“God damn it, Norm! Get out of there! I’m trying not to burst!”

“Me… too.”

“Norm, open this fucking door, or I’ll kick it down!”

“It’s not locked.”

Fucking Norm. Of course not. He was probably hoping she’d walk in on him.

“Norm, I’m not fucking joking. I’m going to count to three, then I’m opening the door. Pull up your damn pants.”

“Can’t… I’m too close.”

“One!”

“I’ve been… edging all morning…”

“Two!”

“If I move… I might lose it.”

“Three!”

She threw the door open, revealing Norm sprawled on the toilet seat. His sweatpants were around his ankles, and he was jerking his cock like it owed him money. His head looked swollen and purple, pulsing with his heart beat.

“Would you STOP stroking it!” She held her robe closed, not liking the way he was looking at her.

“Mmm, good idea… Getting too close to the edge.”

“That’s not what I meant!” She was so distracted by her need to pee that it took her a moment to notice what he was holding. “Are those my fucking underwear again?”

“Yeah,” he moaned, bringing them to his nose. “You smell so good.”

“I thought you stopped doing that!”

“No, You were mad—ah—I was throwing them away… after I came in them, so I stopped.” He inhaled deeply, and squeezed his cock. “Now, I just put them back in your dirty laundry.”

“Stop jerking off with my underwear!” She danced from foot to foot. “And get out of the way!”

“Ugh… Make up your mind,” he groaned, cock throbbing as he rubbed his thumb over the tip. “You told me to stop—ah—throwing out your panties… and masturbating in your room. What do you want from me?”

“I want you to move, quickly!” She let her robe fall open, no longer caring what he might see, and jammed her hand between her legs, frantically trying to hold back the tide.

“No,” he groaned, face contorted with a mixture of effort and pleasure. “Told you… too close… to move.”

“I can’t hold it any longer,” she pleaded, eyes watering. “I’m gonna pee!”

“Here,” he offered, spreading his legs to reveal a small opening to the toilet bowl.

“You want me to pee between your legs?”

“I’m not wasting this—ah—killer orgasm just because you—oh—can’t hold it.”

“Damn it, Norm!” Before she could say anything else, she felt an uncontrollable twinge. There was no longer a choice. She was already starting to pee as she moved forward to straddle him. “Oh, fuck! Fuuuck!” she sobbed in frustration as she lost control of her bladder.

She braced herself on the towel bar and stood over him as the golden liquid shot out with surprising force. It jetted against Norm’s thigh as she tried to adjust the angle, aiming for the impossibly small opening between his legs. She overcorrected, and it sprayed directly on his hand and cock.

“So hot!” Norm exclaimed at the unexpected sensation. His cock throbbed and twitched uncontrollably in the stream of urine.

The sense of relief that flooded her system was overwhelming. She gasped and panted as her bladder released an astonishing amount of fluid. As she finished, she found herself settling her weight onto his legs without meaning to, finally relaxing, until he suddenly stiffened under her.

“Ah!” He cried out. “It’s happening!”

She recoiled as hot cum splattered her face. She opened her mouth to protest, but another spurt fell across her lips, and she clamped them shut.

Norm’s hand was flying, stroking feverishly between her thighs. His cock was twitching over and over, shooting globs of sticky white spunk to land on her body. They splashed wildly across her breasts, in her hair, on her cheeks, and against her stomach.

He was shaking, gasping, and groaning. His eyes rolled back in his head. The orgasm lasted a shocking long time. By the end, he was squeezing the last of his cum directly onto her, making a sticky mess in her pubes.

“Oh. My. God,” she sputtered, spitting his cum out. “I can’t believe you did that.”

“I can’t believe you did that,” he gasped, still rubbing his cock against her.

“Fucking hell, you came all over me!” She wiped her face in disgust.

“Only after you pissed all over me!”

“Well, I wasn’t trying to!” She got to her feet, and started wiping up his spunk with a towel. “And I certainly didn’t know you get off on that!”

“I don’t!” he panted. “But, I’d been balanced on the edge for hours, and that extra bit of stimulation was all it took. Wow! That was amazing.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself,” she snapped.

“I really did! That was… wow!”

“I’m being sarcastic, idiot.” She threw the now-sticky towel on the floor. “Why didn’t you just move? I told you I was going to pee.”

“Why didn’t you just piss in there?” He gestured at the unoccupied shower to his right. “You made a choice to piss on me when I was that close.”

“What? I did not! I couldn’t think straight. You should have moved!”

“Well, whatever.” He shrugged, and got to his feet, stepping awkwardly around her into the shower, where he proceeded to turn on the water and peel off his urine-soaked clothes. “I’m gonna rinse off. You should get this mess cleaned up.”

“What? Are you fucking kidding me? I’m not cleaning this up. It’s your fault! You clean it up!”

“Nah, I don’t clean up other people’s bodily fluids, that’s disgusting.” He closed his eyes and leaned his head back into the spray. “You’re the one who pissed everywhere, so you’re the one who cleans it up.”

“Seriously?” She sputtered incoherently as he shamelessly started rubbing his still semi-erect cock. “Are you seriously going to jerk off in front of me again?”

“I’m not jerking off in front of you, I’m jerking off, period. You just happen to be here. I think I’ve got another one in me, and I’m gonna see if I can make it five hours this time.”

“You are fucking unbelievable!”

“Oh, sorry, don’t worry, I don’t need you to piss on me this time. That was interesting, but I don’t think it’s really my thing. Also, your piss smells pretty strong. You should drink more water.”

There was a sudden clatter behind her, and she spun around to find Laurel standing in the hallway. She’d just dropped her keys on the floor.

“Hey babe!” Norm called out cheerfully, still stroking his cock.

“What the fuck is going on?” Laurel was looking back and forth between Norm in the shower, Rachel’s open robe, and the puddle on the floor.

“Okay, look, Norm wouldn’t let me use the bathroom…”

“Is that cum in your hair?”

Rachel reached up, and winced as she felt some she’d missed. “Shit, look…”

“Is it in your hair?” Norm laughed. “That’s awesome! I’ve never shot it so far before!”

“Is that…” Laurel’s nose crinkled. “Is that piss all over the floor?”

“Don’t worry,” Norm answered. “I told Rachel she has to clean it up.”

“Look,” Rachel protested, “It’s not what you think. He wouldn’t stop jerking off, and I had to pee so bad, then he just spread his legs and I couldn’t hold it anymore, and when I peed on him, he came all over me, like a creep!”

“What the fuck, you guys,” Laurel yelled. “Again?” She stormed off and slammed her bedroom door.

“Fucking hell.” Rachel scowled as Norm continued tugging his cock. “What is wrong with you?”

“She’ll get over it,” he shrugged. “Now, do you mind giving me some privacy?” He raised an eyebrow at her. “Unless you want to join me?”

“Get fucked, Norm.” She slammed the bathroom door.

“Wait!” he called. “You forgot to clean up!”